All books using the keywords: Adam Bruckner

Ronald Triumph said he wanted to make our school great again. He even made a hat. Some are saying he is a bully. Some are saying he decided to bully back. And now that he is School President, some are saying we need a bully back back.

Ronald Triumph wanted to make his school great again. He made more promises than a pinky finger. Some said he was a bully. Some said he decided to bully back. And now that he is President, some say it's time for a bully back back.

Chapter1: Crap. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I had completely come unraveled. I didn’t want to die. I stood on the porch in utter disbelief that my life had landed in that moment. I didn’t know what else to do. So I knocked three times. My senses were throbbing. My eyes darted around and the smell of rotting death flushed my nostrils. Two pit bulls screamed as they crashed into the separating glass door, begging for a flesh shot on my thigh. I was in the Kensington section of Philadelphia, blocks away from one of the healthiest heroin corners in the world. I had no interest in busting dealers or buying drugs; I was out to catch a murderer. What made that utterly ...

Dads are driving big butt cars and fogging up the heavens. This city smog is warming up the planet, melting the North Pole, and if we don't move fast, Santa is going to drown.

Chapter 2 Last month some girls came in to Mr. Blade’s science class to do a presentation on global warming. These Green Girls said our pollution was smoking up the skies, trapping the sunbeams, and warming the world. They said if we continued our wasteful ways, we would heat up the high heavens, the North Pole would melt, and Santa would have to swim South. Ali did not blink, “We will have to cancel Christmas! It will be Chrismissed!” There was a ghostly gasp. Rudy had kiddie hot flashes. Josh Crans ran to the toilet and came back with one sock on. Young eyes started to water. Every breath felt borrowed. Chrismissed? Chrismissed?? And then Ali said, “And Santa can’t sw ...

Ali Ocasio-Cortez is a bully. Ronald Triumph said she was a huge bully, but he has a bone spur on his tooth so it sounded like ‘yuge’ bully. AOC is a bully and she isn’t alone. Ali and her 5th grade girlfriends are pinching, plucking, and popping boys who don’t believe in global warming. Those Green Girls are breaking ears, smashing nipples, and squeezing kids so hard their innies turn to outies. The Green Girls are trying to save Union School from superduper floods and forest fires. They have declared a global warning about global warming. Ali said that if we don’t start recycling and taking better care of the planet, we are all going to melt or fall into an earthquake crack o ...

A soccer book should start with a soccer story, but you probably don’t want to read about the Under-12 1987 Mequon Trojans as much as I want to write about it. I’ll sneak that in later. And though it’s a wee arrogant to believe that you are going to want to skip Twitter time to read about the rusty career of a Wisconsin lad, there is this soccer story that lives in me. And if you were ever a kid who clapped your cleats together on a Saturday morning to knock a Swiss cheese grid of clay from your Copas, you might be able to understand how the game got in my bones enough to define a few decades. This isn’t a binder of humble brags and obnoxious soccer self plugs. I haven’t earned thos ...

Soccer Rats